I thought this was a good one from Love and Logic.

It Really Isn't Fair!

Have you ever seen adults get trapped into arguing with their kids about something being fair? I’m sure that you’ve never fallen into this snare, but I bet you’ve seen your neighbors do it.

You already know that when kids cry “Not fair!” they aren’t judging our fairness by some objective standard. They’re just trying to get us to give in. Fortunately, you also know that Love and Logic teaches us how to avoid getting “hooked” into these debates.

The less we think, and the fewer words we use, the less likely we'll get pulled into epic arguments with our kids.

Love and Logic parents and educators around the world have had great results going "brain dead" when kids begin to whine, "Not fair!" This allows them to avoid saying what they'd like to say (e.g., "Well it's about time you learned that life isn't fair! How many times do I need to tell you…?"), and provide a calm and respectful "I love (or respect) you too much to argue" instead.

Lecturing our kids doesn't really teach them to accept the occasional "un-fair-ness" of life. Despite centuries of parents attempting this, their offspring have still had to learn this the hard way—through experience with the world. Kids are far more likely to learn how to gracefully accept frustrations and disappointments when we stop trying to convince them that life is fair, and begin allowing them simply to experience the good, the bad and the ugly aspects of real life.

Too frequently, loving and fair parents try way too hard to be fair, and to defend themselves when their kids complain. When they do, they send the unrealistic message that somehow life really can be fair—at least if you argue and manipulate enough. Instead of falling into this trap, experiment with going "brain dead" and repeating, "I love you too much to argue." It'll make them mad in the short-term and a whole lot more respectful in the long-term.

Thanks for reading!

Dr. Charles Fay